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millarificTitle: Going the Distance, Part 2/2
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
millari
Characters: Kara Thrace, Brendan "Hot Dog" Costanza, Lee Adama, Alex "Crashdown" Quartararo, Sharon "Boomer" Valerii, other minor mentions of Zak Adama, various pilots and CIC folks.
Pairing: Kara/Hot Dog
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Beta:daybreak777 and trovia
Spoilers: This is an AU, so there aren't real spoilers, but it takes place in the middle of S1 sometime after "You Can't Go Home Again" but before "Colonial Day".
Summary: “I know it's the end of the world, Costanza,” Starbuck bit out with sardonic amusement. “But
seriously? You need a date this bad?”
A/N: This story was written fortrovia.
To Part 1
Post-flight check. He just had to get through post-flight check and he could sleep.
Brendan failed to stifle a yawn so large, he nearly dropped his clipboard.
“Crashing hard, sir?”
Jammer took Brendan's clipboard from him with a subdued grin and began examining his Viper against Brendan's checked-off list. Brendan was so tired at first that he was slow to react.
“Crashing hard?” he repeated the question back to Jammer, feeling befuddled.
Jammer flipped back his bangs with the butt of his right hand, the only part that wasn't covered with a tylium-soaked glove. “You just came off a triple, right?” he prompted.
Brendan stared at him, still not following, unable to stop himself from another yawn. In the silence, Jammer faltered, suddenly sheepish.
“Uh, sorry, sir,” he said hurriedly. “It's just that I saw you yawning and thought the stims might be wearing off and ...” He suddenly became extremely interested in the clipboard in his hands. “Anything to report with your bird here?”
Brendan finally got it. He'd been bantering with him and Brendan had just killed it dead without even noticing. The triple shift with no stims had made him about to fall over with exhaustion, and all his reflexes were shot. His body was vibrating with adrenaline that was no longer keeping him alert, just sleepy and jittery.
Just the thought of stims made him yawn again and he shook himself awake.
“Yeah, the seat. I could feel it moving around during maneuvers I think the bolt might be coming loose or something.” Just a few more minutes, he told his body. A few more minutes and you can sleep.
“Knowing these ancient things, I wouldn't be surprised if the bolt's rusting out,” Jammer agreed. “I'll have Seelix look at it. You were able to lock down the ejector, right?” He chuckled as Brendan yawned through an affirmative nod.
“Don't worry, sir. We can take over from here. Get some rack time.”
Brendan nodded gratefully, barely able to focus, Jammer's voice calling Seelix already a white noise in the back of his hearing. He'd made it through a triple shift without the stims. He could do this. He just had to make sure to behave the night before and get a lot of sleep, so he'd have reserves. He couldn't be dead on his feet like this, or people would notice.
He just had to be careful.
As he shuffled towards an exit hatch, he wondered if Kara would be free once he'd gotten some sleep. Maybe he could convince her to try another movie on the Chrion, this time maybe to actually watch the thing. He missed movies.
A whistling sound and then an explosive boom filled his ears.
“Frak!” a female voice echoed off the walls. Brendan's gaze snapped over to his Viper where Seelix was curled into herself against its hull, clearly still in the throes of ducking. Her face was deathly pale.
It took her several seconds to regain the power of speech.
“You dumb motherfrakker!” she shouted at him.
Brendan stared at her, slowed by his confused exhaustion. What had he done? But he had no time to figure it out, because then she was lunging at him, the orange jumpsuits running after to stop her. Tyrol reached her first and held her flailing figure as she tried to wrestle free.
Everywhere on the deck, people were staring. Brendan finally realized that many of them were staring straight up. He sleepily followed their gazes.
Stuck in the hangar's ceiling was Brendan's Viper seat, embedded there with a force that had only one explanation.
“Come on, Seelix,” Tyrol attempted to soothe her. “You don't want to do this. You want to end up in the brig? Let it go.”
“You idiot!” Seelix screamed at him, wrestling with Tyrol. “You didn't lock down your ejector! That's basic post-flight stuff!”
Shocked, Brendan stared at her, then squinted up through the floodlights at the chair again, then looked back down at her again.
“I locked down the lever,” he began, but doubt crept into his mind the moment he'd said it. He was so sleepy. How could he know for sure?
“That seat nearly took my head off! You didn't lock it down!” she insisted.
“ I … I … might have got distracted,” he stuttered an admission. “Maybe … maybe I remembered wrong. If I did, I'm sorry, Seelix. Really sorry.”
"Or maybe the lever's hashed," Tyrol intervened, keeping a hand on Seelix's shoulder."Point is, if it's broken, it's our job to fix it." He spun around to address the crowd of people still staring on. "So let's get back to work, people," he announced. "Show's over."
Brendan's apology seemed to have calmed her down a bit. She was at least not squirming in Tyrol's grasp anymore. He let her go and she pulled away from him with an angry flourish. But she stayed still.
“You're okay?” Tyrol questioned her. She waved him away with an aggressive hand gesture. “Whatever,” she muttered, and deliberately turned away from Brendan and went back to the Viper.
Brendan practically ran out of there. Find a rack now, his mind screamed.
He had to find a better way than this. He couldn't afford to have this happen again. Next time, he could end up as Raider meat.
No more triple shifts,, he told himself. Next time this comes up, you're bailing out, just like you told Kara you would. You're not flying another CAP like this. You've got someone to live for now.
**
He awoke ten hours later, sitting up in his rack, still half in his Viper uniform and bleary-eyed, to find Kara sitting on the bunk across from his, a bottle of ambrosia and two shot glasses in her hand. “So what's this I hear about the knuckledraggers calling you 'Hot Seat?'”
He swallowed hard. Had she connected the dots?
Judging from the way she slammed down two glasses of ambrosia on the table nearby, a buzzed grin plastered across her face as she poured them full of the green liquid, he guessed not. He took a shot down his throat in one swift gulp, grateful for the liquid courage.
“Are they really calling me that?” he groaned.
She snorted. “No, but they should.” She ruffled the top of his head in an affectionate gesture. “I could suggest it.”
He sat there shaking more cobwebs out. “Please don't do that, Kara,” he grimaced.
"Aw, cheer up, Hot Seat,” she chuckled. “It's only a matter of time before Kat does something stupid and reckless or Boomer manages to take more gouges out of the landing bay. They'll forget all about you.”
“I guess so.” He poured himself another shot and downed it. ''Hey, where is everybody?''
He looked around. Every single bunk in the pilots' quarters was empty.
"Oh, they're off celebrating Karma's thousandth landing. I heard you were asleep, so I thought I'd come wake you up so you don't miss out. You awake enough yet?”
He thought about his resolution on the hangar deck. “Uh, actually, I was wondering if we could talk about something.”
“Uh-oh,” she teased, having trouble modulating her volume. “No good conversation ever starts out with those words...”
“Well, it's just that ...” He poured himself another shot and drank it. “I was wondering how you'd feel about putting in for a double.”
It felt like her eyebrows raised a mile. “What?”
His tongue darted across his lips in a nervous gesture. “I mean, I was just thinking … We spend practically every night together already, right? Why not get some bigger quarters and share it? I know it'll take a while, but we could put in for it now and just keep going on the way we have been until a rack comes through.”
Her utter silence made him feel sheepish. Given her condition, maybe this wasn't the best time to but he'd been promising himself for days to go through with this and he was afraid if he didn't now, he'd chicken out entirely.
“See, I've been thinking a lot about this in the last couple of weeks,” he pushed on. “We could die any day out there, you know? I thought maybe I should figure out what I want in life and just go for it now, in case there isn't a later.” He forced himself to look her in the eyes. “And well, I want you.”
When he saw her head fall back and gaze up at the ceiling for several seconds, he knew he was in trouble. Her voice turned deathly quiet.
“I think we need to put the brakes on, Costanza.”
“What? Why?”
She squeezed her fists at her sides as if restraining herself from punching or throwing something. “Because we just do, all right? Look, it's like you said. We could die any time out there. There's no point in getting all ...”
She ran out of words, stuck.
“But I love you, Kara.” He paused, surprised at himself. “I wasn't expecting to, but I do.”
Was the look of utter shock overtaking her face a good thing or a bad thing? Brendan realized he had absolutely no idea. She stared for so long with her mouth shaped into a perfect circle that Brendan felt a hot prickly sensation climbing up his spine. But he'd known as soon as he'd said the words that they were true.
She closed her eyes. To Brendan, she seemed tired and sad. “You don't want to,” she declared.
“Want to what?” He felt his jaw clench.
“I only end up frakking people over,” she informed him with a grimace. “Trust me, you're better off not loving me, Brendan.”
He found himself flashing back to Crashdown's words: Starbuck likes things nice and easy.
“I think you're just scared,” he challenged.
“Scared?” she snorted, folding her arms across her chest. “Don't frakking flatter yourself.”
“Yeah, scared, Kara. People think I'm not all that bright, believe me I know that. But I can see how scared you are that I'll find out something personal, something real about you.
“You know, whatever. Just forget it,” he decided. She didn't have to be an ass about it.
He burst up and off his rack, eye to eye with her for a silent moment. The streak of obvious pain there surprised him, but he was too frustrated, too tired to know how to handle it.
This felt like the day he flunked out of flight school – just like taking a leap off a giant cliff and -
Falling flat on his face.
“I'll see you around, Kara,” he muttered and brushed roughly by her and then Racetrack, who was walking in through the hatch.
“What's your damage?” Racetrack exclaimed after him, but he didn't bother to turn around.
**
They stayed away from each other after that, by silent agreement. They went back to their own racks without discussion the first night, both supposing it was temporary, but then they never started talking again. To Kara's surprise, her cramped rack seemed cavernous without Brendan in it.
"Where's Hot Dog been?" Boomer asked her after she'd slept alone for two nights in a row. ''You guys aren't fighting, are you?''
"Fights are for relationships," she announced, rolling her eyes for emphasis. “We never had one.”
Boomer laughed at her outright. "Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me you and Hot Dog aren't in a relationship?"
Kara stiffened and for once, had no ready comeback.
**
Kara found she had become a spy these days – doing recon in the locker room to make sure she wouldn't run into him. Or keeping half an eye on him when they both had to be in the ready room, casting pathetic, furtive glances his way as he got out of his Viper next to hers on the hangar deck. He always looked the same – somewhere between blank focus and unaffected friendliness. She should have been glad to have it over so relatively cleanly, and yet, him acting like she hadn't even meant anything to him pissed her off more than anything.
Kara waited for him to make the first move, but he didn't. So she hadn't either. She tried to tell herself it was better that way, cleaner.
But it wasn't.
And if she wasn't careful, she might actually lose this frakking hand to Crashdown.
Unacceptable.
But she was getting more and more plastered as this game wore on. She now regretted having pounded down all those shots of ambrosia in a row at the beginning of the night. She'd been trying to get numb fast, a whole night ahead of her and nobody all that interesting to hang out with except maybe Lee, who was less fun to talk to these days since he'd found a call girl on the Prometheus to get starry-eyed about. She really didn't need to hear about how he thought he was falling in love with her.
“Hey, you in or out?” Boomer's voice pierced Kara's thoughts, and she realized that that everyone was waiting for her to put in.
“Don't rush me,” Kara bitched back. But she threw in an extra two cubits to raise the bet, just to show them all.
Why did Brendan have to go and ruin everything?
He had that same unreadable look on his face when he came strolling into the rec room with Kat, another person who was really good at pissing her off at the moment. The way the entire group went quiet for a few awkward seconds when they came in pissed her off too. Crashdown, the frakker, whose utter lack of subtlety was legendary, actually took a look at Kara to gauge her reaction, taking her so much by surprise, she wasn't able to cover over her anger.
“Hey Kat, hey Brendan.” Crashdown turned away from Kara to greet them with false ease. “You two wanna jump in?"
She caught a stricken look in Brendan's eyes before he managed to look away. Damnit, he had caught her checking.
This is ridiculous, her better self told her. You're acting like a teenager.
“Nah, we got better things to do than hang out with you children,” Kat bantered back at Crashdown's invitation, her mouth tightening meaningfully as her eyes grazed over Kara. She held onto the back of an empty chair and rocked it back and forth as she spoke, a repetitive, percussive sound that made Kara want to grab it away from her. And then throw it across the room.
“The knuckledraggers have figured out how to build a still,” Kat announced. “We're going where the real party is. I just came in here to collect a debt.” She held her hand out expectantly, and with a reluctant glance, Boomer picked through her stash and handed over five cigarettes to Kat.
She sniffed for effect at their long-necked, rapidly-depleting bottles of commercially-made ambrosia. “See ya around, losers.”
“Oh-ho!” exclaimed Crashdown, with to his credit, just the right amount of overdone shock and hurt to keep things light. “So you're dissing us?”
“Whatever,” Kat snickered and turned on her heel, pounding Brendan in a proprietary gesture on the shoulder blades. “Come on, Brendan,” she said crisply, then paused meaningfully. “Cally's waiting.” No one missed the implied sexual undertone.
The table gave a spontaneous, uncoordinated hoot, then seemed to remember Kara only as Kat and Brendan were exiting out the hatch. The rest of the card players fell into an uncomfortable silence. Kara merely scowled into her cards.
“Lee, are you in or what?” she snapped.
Lee recovered with as little subtlety as Crashdown had just shown earlier. “Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure.” His cubits made a discordant clanging sound in Kara's ears. When she looked up, she caught him staring at her over his cards.
He wasn't looking for her tells. Or at least not those kind.
**
"I hate this.”
Kara and Lee sat alone in the pilots' ready room. It was late, but she didn't want to go back to the racks. She knew Brendan and Kat would be there eventually, all excited and drunk from their adventures with the knuckledraggers.
"You hate what?" Lee finally responded, with just a slight slur to his words as he took another sip from the bottle they were sharing. It had been a few hours since the last card game, and Kara was grateful that they were both pretty toasted at this point.
"Look at me,” she made a sweeping, sloppy, drunken gesture with her hand. “I'm hiding from him.”
Lee yawned. "Oh, you mean Hot Dog? Well, you started it."
She punched his arm, completely ineffectually. "I did not!” she slurred. “Besides, you were the one all worried about us becoming serious! You should be glad we're not together anymore!”
"Sure, I guess." His eyes were half-closed as if he were somewhere between here and the land of Morpheus.
“Hey, I don't need crap from you too,” she complained.
“What are you talking about?”
“I'm talking about Boomer reading me the riot act when she found out. She thinks I broke Brendan's heart. And I swear, I'm getting ready to shoot Kat out of the sky myself."
Lee laughed at that. “You never told Brendan about Zak, did you?”
“Zak?” Her eyes popped open in surprise. “No. Why?”
“You should tell him, Kara,” he admonished. “He'd understand better where you're coming from.”
“What's Zak got to do with it?” she retorted. “This isn't about him.”
“Of course it is,” he replied. It was such a flat, matter-of-fact statement, she didn't even know how to respond.
“That engagment ring of Zak's around your thumb,” he continued, his voice thick with drink. “You've never taken it off."
Kara swallowed and admitted defeat. “So it's Zak's ring. So what?”
“Do you keep wearing that ring around your thumb to remember Zak, or to keep punishing yourself for his death?” he challenged.
She took another angry swig and forced the long gulp of burning liquid down her throat; it was so strong, tears formed at the back of her eyes.
“Frak you, Lee,” she bit out. “You know frak-all about it, all right?”
“Maybe. But I know you.”
The alcohol had made him braver and blunter. She huffed at him, but was at a loss for a real retort.
“He's a nice guy, Kara. Maybe you should give him a chance. A blind man could see how much he cares about you.”
Frak, no. There was no frakking way she was going to cry in front of Lee.
“Loving someone else doesn't mean you're betraying Zak, you know,” he said.
She grabbed the bottle again, drained the rest down.
“Let's not do this right now, okay?” she choked out, her eyes closed. She was kind of hoping to pass out about now.
“Sure, Kara,” he murmured. “Whatever you say.”
Damn. The hot, silent tears rolled down her face, and she thanked the gods he was as drunk as her. Maybe Lee wouldn't remember this tomorrow. Kara sure hoped she didn't.
Godsamnit. Why the frak was she missing him so much?
**
Just to rub salt in her wounds, fate put her and Brendan together in a CAP the very next day. Kara's temples still throbbed from her hangover.
“All right people,” Apollo's voice was remarkably clear over the comms. What what his secret hangover cure, she wondered?
“We're up to round eight with this broken bird.” Lee paused, making a mental count. “Fuzzy, Highball, Karma, go on home. The rest of you, I need you for one more shift.”
The groans of protest reverberated in Kara's headset.
“It's triples time, boys and girls,” Crashdown announced with ironic joviality. “Break out the toothpicks and put 'em under your eyelids.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lee grumbled. “You're all stimulated, so you can quit your moaning. It's not like you're going to sleep any time soon. Might as well fight some Cylons.”
Once the complaints had ratcheted down, a hesitant voice came over the comms. “Uh, Apollo?”
“Yeah, Hot Dog?” Lee's voice showed obvious surprise.
“Is there any way I could sit this one out, Captain?”
There was a pointed pause. “Lieutenant,” he replied stiffly. Kara knew a bit of Lee's ego was at stake now that he'd dismissed their complaints. “I know you're still a bit new around here, but the way this works is I give an order and you follow it, got it?
Silence. Then, after a long moment, “Yes, sir.”
“Look,” Lee addressed all of them, “I know we're all burning behind the eyeballs, but we're just trying to get this toaster to come out and play for the Colonel. The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can go home, right?”
He took their silence for assent. “All right, Starbuck. You're first at bat. Everyone else, stick to formation until I call her out. And remember: don't get impatient or sloppy, just 'cause we've done this so many times. We don't want to threaten it into any desperation moves.”
“Roger that, Apollo,” Kara muttered, wishing she could massage the throbbing in her head. “I'm going in.”
She pondered the lone Cylon Raider, the lights of her Viper illuminating the damage on the ship's hull, and fired a couple of broad shots across the thing's bow, testing out its reactions. It had been getting harder and harder to get a rise out of the thing. So when the shots went over the Raider's bow, it jerked in reaction, flying in a flurry of constantly changing directions for a minute, but soon calmed down to a standstill float.
“We've been playing chicken with this thing for a day and a half now, Apollo,” she griped. “It's not buying it anymore.” The Raider sidled next to her Viper, out of direct range of her weapons. It was like it was taunting her.
“Aww, looks like you have another pet to take care of, Starbuck,” Beehive teased over the wireless as the Raider hovered uselessly in tandem with her ship, refusing to jump or send out any other signals they could collect. “I see you've trained it to heel.”
“Can you teach it to roll over and beg?” Crashdown joined in.
“As long as it doesn't bite,” Kara grunted back. She ducked her Viper down below the Raider's airspace and tried a hairbreadth's flyby in the hopes of rattling its cool.
“Frak,” she complained. “It won't jump. It won't react at all.”
“All right, let's just keep trying. We'll give someone else a crack at it,” Apollo broke in. “Fall back, Starbuck. You're on deck, Kat.”
Kat chuckled “Yeah, Starbuck, let the big kids play in the sandbox.”
“Frak you, Kat.” Kara retorted.
“You may want to, after you see how I send this bird running,” she bragged. “You heard the CAG; step aside.”
Kara fell back in annoyance, waiting for Kat to make her pass at the Raider.
"What the frak are you doing, Hot Dog?"
Kat's voice, suddenly high-pitched and harsh with surprise, rang in Kara's ears. Startled, she craned her neck to her three o'clock, where she knew Kat hovered near the Raider.
"Get the hell out of there so I can shoot the frakker!" Kat complained. "What the hell, Brendan?"
Kara saw now that Kat had barely managed to dodge Brendan's Viper as it drifted past her, moving implacably sideways, no thrusters firing.
Kara felt her unease growing into panic. “He's not answering,” she announced worriedly.
"I see that,” Lee responded. “Hot Dog," he called. "What's your status?"
Nothing.
"I repeat, what's your status?" Lee's voice sharpened into a restrained worry.
Kara could manage no such impulse control. "Brendan!" she shouted. "What the frak? Say something!"
She did a 180 as she tried to get a better look at what was going on. "He's not responding!” she blurted out. “Clearly, he's either lost comm or he's passed out."
"I can't see him from this distance," Kat reported. “I can't tell what's going on.”
"Frak." Lee had turned quiet, serious. "Either way, we have to assume that he can't hear us."
"We've got to blast that Raider out of the sky, Lee," Kara said. “Brendan's bearing down on it. It might shoot to kill.”
"Don't even frakking think about it, Apollo," Tigh's voice suddenly thundered in all their ears. "That sparrow's not taken a shot at us yet, and every time it tries to jump it gives us intel. Termination is your last resort, copy that Apollo?”
"Copy, Galactica," Lee confirmed.
If Brendan died out here, Kara thought, their last words to each other an argument …
She hissed with fear into her headset. “We've got to get that Raider away from him before it fires at him."
"I hear you, Starbuck," Apollo replied. "You got an idea?"
Kara thought a minute. "Kat," she ordered. "I'm going round. Get ready to push Brendan out of harm's way as soon as the toaster takes my bait."
"Roger that, Starbuck," Kat responded immediately.
"Kara! What are you going to do?" Lee interjected.
"I'm going to give it something shiny to play with.”
"Fine," he conceded. "Kat, pull back until Starbuck gets its full attention. We still don't know for sure its weapons aren't hot.”
“Roger that, Apollo.”
Kara was already across the black in a bright, blaze of spent tylium and worry, buzzing by the Raider's twelve o'clock.
Doubt nagged at her.
The toaster wasn't buying this shit ten minutes ago. Why do you think it's going to work now?
But really, what other idea did she have? She couldn't lose Brendan. Not like this.
She blew by the Raider again, right in its direct line of fire, just barely far enough to have a good enough chance to get away. It was like Pyramid, she thought. You had to get close enough to the defensive player so they'd freak out that you were about to take the ball away from them. That was when they got emotional. That was when they made mistakes.
But how to rattle a machine?
She made another pass by the Raider, dangerously close this time, a more inviting target than she'd ever allowed herself to be in this cat-and-mouse game they'd been playing for days.
“Kat!” she exclaimed. “It's turned its cannons on me! Get moving!”
“I see it,” Kat responded. “I'm getting him out now.”
“Starbuck,” Lee warned. “Keep moving.”
The Raider seemed to fix on her for a long moment. Kara watched its movements, staying close, but countermatching its moves as best she could to stay out of its crosshairs.
As if giving in to temptation, the Raider fired, but its ammunition came out only on its starboard side. The uneven attempt sent the Raider tottering off balance and into an unexpected tailspin.
Crashdown gave an appreciative whistle. “No wonder it never tried to fire before. Its gimbel must be frakked up.”
“Does it even have a gimbel?” Karma wondered.
“Stay focused, people,” Lee reminded them. “Kara, get out of there now!”
The Raider, as if desperate, began wildly firing off missiles, sending a hailstorm of deadly fire in the sqaudron's general vicinity.
“Frak me!” shouted Kat, who was caught in the fray of it. But she'd managed to get to Brendan, Kara saw.
“He's slumped over!” she reported. “I think he's had some kind of O2 malfunction in his suit!”
Kara's world narrowed down to nothing but the sight of Brendan's Viper and the spinning Raider. Oh gods, don't let him be dead, please. She found herself remembering that card game, when he'd grinned up at her, daring her to take his crazy bet. He'd never wanted anything from her but her happiness, she thought ruefully. He'd made her happy too, hadn't he? She was an idiot for never having told him that.
“Get Hot Dog back to Galactica!” Lee ordered Kat.
There was no sound in the dark of space, but Kara still heard the impact in Kat's Viper over the comm when Kat rammed gently into Brendan's Viper. Kat sped them out of there and without stopping, towards Galactica's landing bays, safely out of range.. Everyone else in the squadron spread and evaded the random shots. The Raider was still spinning uncontrollably.
“Galactica!” Lee shouted. “Permission to use lethal firepower! It's firing in all directions in an uncontrolled spin!”
“We see it on DRADIS, Apollo,” Tigh's voice crackled back. “Fire across its bow first, see if you can get it to jump one more time before you put it out of its misery.” There was a resigned pause. “Lethal firepower is authorized.”
Off in the distance, Kara could see Kat's and Brendan's Viper, joined together like two crustaceans in coitus, skittering towards the safety of Galactica. They all heard a male cough and sputter over the comm.
“Wha – What?” Brendan's voice sounded confused, dazed, a bit irritable. “What's going on?”
Kara said a quick, silent prayer of thanks to Artemis.
“What the frak are you doing, Kat?” Brendan asked, clearer now.
“What the frak were you doing?” Kat retorted, but her voice was breathy with suddenly-released tension. “You're almost made me the meat in a Raider-Viper sandwich.” She softened. “You okay?”
Now that she let them relax, Kara realized that all of her muscles had been taut with tension for several minutes, preparing themselves for the worst.
But he was alive. In fact, with every moment, Brendan's voice was growing in strength and clarity.
“Yeah, I'm okay,” he said, obviously surprised at the fuss being made over him.
Lee broke in. “Good to hear your voice, Hot Dog,” he said. “I don't know what the hell happened to you, but I'll be debriefing you in fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Get him home, Kat.”
“And I was looking forward to giving Starbuck some tactics lessons too,” Kat postured. “Sit tight, Hot Dog, and enjoy the ride.”
“Easiest flight of my life,” he deadpanned.
“Galactica, Apollo. The Raider's not jumping, and it's still firing like crazy,” Lee announced. “I'm taking it out now.”
“Roger that, Apollo,” Tigh said. “Fire at will.”
“All right, everyone,” Lee announced. “We are weapons-free.”
The black sky exploded into light as the Vipers quickly positioned themselves from all corners and opened fire on the Raider, sending debris spinning in all directions. Kara slammed hard on her guns, feeling a rush of pent-up anger. As she sent out a stream of firepower, she glanced over at Brendan and Kat making a combat landing in the bay.
She now understood why Brendan had lost communication. In fact, she was pretty sure he hadn't lost communication at all. And if she was right, she had to do something about it.
Right frakking now.
**
He was talking to Crashdown when Kara spotted him on the hangar deck, his helmet tucked under his arm. She strode up to him with restrained anger.
“Brendan, we need to ...”
“Kara?” he said, his voice hitching with surprise. They hadn't spoken in weeks now.
She grabbed him by the arm, got in his face. “We talked about this,” she said with a harsh whisper so the others wouldn't hear. “You said you'd be careful.”
His mouth fell open a moment, then closed again.
“Meet me in the ready room as soon as you get debriefed,” she spat in an undertone. “Or I'll go straight to Lee.”
Brendan went pale. “Okay,” he murmured.
As she left, she threw down her helmet in a pique and didn't look back, trying not to think about the longing she'd just seen all over his face.
**
Kara heard the hatch door to the ready room open, but she kept her back to the entrance. She could hear Brendan lingering at the threshold.
“You were asleep,” she broke the silence. It wasn't a question. It wasn't even seeking confirmation.
“I didn't want this to be the way we talked again,” he finally said, and her anger whiplashed with her as she whirled around.
“Well then maybe you shouldn't have done a triple half asleep!”
“It was supposed to be a double!” he shouted back. “You heard what happened!”
His vehemence surprised her. She went silent, eventually nodded. “What did you tell Lee?”
He shifted from one foot to another. “I told him I passed out,” he replied. “I told him I thought it was exhaustion.”
“He didn't ask if you'd taken your stims?”
Brendan exhaled. “No. And I didn't offer.”
She made a snorting sound. “Frakking Lee. You know I have to tell him.”
He went pale. “Please... Kara...” He pushed his way into the room, halving the distance between them in a panicked few steps. “He'll ground me. Probably forever.”
Her face screwed up in disbelief. “Brendan, I covered for you and look what happened! You told me you wouldn't ever do this!”
“I didn't mean to!” he exclaimed. “But I would have had to make a big scene over the comms to get out of the shift, and then everybody would have known ...”
“That's not a reason!” she exclaimed. “You could have gotten Kat killed!” Her fists pounded at his chest in frustration, her voice thick with emotion. “You could have been killed!”
He stood there in shock, absorbing her choked-off emotion. “You're right,“ he admitted, chastened. “You're right.”
“I should have never covered for you,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “Am I that much of a frakking idiot? How did I not learn this lesson last time?”
“The last time?” he asked, confused.
Pupils dilating to tiny black spots, she seemed to have forgotten that he was listening to her. She shook her head and turned away suddenly. “Nothing,” she said quickly, twisting the ring on her thumb. “Nothing.”
“Oh, come on!” he snapped. “You're doing it again!”
“I'm not doing anything!” she snarled, but her eyes clouded over.
“Yes you are!” he retorted. “You shut me out whenever we get to anything really personal.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Don't change the subject! This isn't about me, this is about you getting yourself killed and maybe others because you won't be honest with your CAG or with me.”
He looked up at the ceiling in frustration. “You're not honest with me.”
“That's not true.”
“Yes, yes it is true.” His voice went quiet. “You've never really let me get to know you, Kara.”
She stopped short, her expression softening with surprise. “Brendan...”
“I want to know the whole you,” he insisted. “Not just Starbuck.”
“Brendan, that's not fair...”
He met her gaze. “I miss you,” he cut her off.
All the old feelings she'd been repressing for the last couple of weeks clutched at her.
“I don't want us to be broken up, Kara.”
“I didn't break us up, you did,” she blurted out.
His eyes narrowed. “What? I thought … You said you wanted to put the brakes on.”
Her lips pursed into a straight line. “I just said I wanted to slow things down, not break up,” she corrected. “You're the one who left the room and said 'see you later.'”
He shook his head and stared at her in silence. “Are you saying we could get back together?” he asked. “You'd want to?”
This was her chance to get out of this cleanly. She could break up with him right here and now and be done with all this uncertainty. Be alone and safe.
She bit her lip. “Dunno.”
He squinted at her in disbelief. “Kara Thrace, you don't make one bit of sense at all sometimes.”
She blinked at him. “I missed you too, flyboy.”
“I want to be with you,” he said, like it was a warning. “I love you.”
She kicked at the base of one of the pilots' chairs with a boot-heeled toe and shrugged. “You said that already.”
“You think you can deal with that?”
She looked away. “Sure, whatever. I don't think I know what love is anyway, Brendan.”
He snorted, as if he found her quite ridiculous.
“Then let's put it this way,” he tried. “Can you tell me for sure that you don't love me?”
It got her to look back up at him. “That's a weird question.”
He shrugged, but said nothing, waiting expectantly, until she had to answer.
“Uh, no. I guess not,” she finally replied awkwardly. “I guess I can't?” she tried.
“Okay, then,” he said, a quiet triumph in his voice she didn't really understand, but he was smiling, and she felt a smile cross her face as well. “Good enough,” he said. “For now anyway.”
He moved in to kiss her. It was slow and full of the tenderness and hot sparks Kara had been missing terribly. When they broke apart, they stayed in each other's space, Kara breathing hard.
“You still have to come clean to Lee,” she told him.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed. “I'm never going to fly again, am I?”
Her arms moved atop his shoulders in a determined gesture, and she summoned up all the bravado she could muster right now.
“Listen,” she said, “You, me, and Lee are going to work this out together, all right? He's kind of a stick-in-the-mud, but he's fair. I'm sure there's gotta be a way to make this work out.”
Brendan paused, inspecting her for a moment. He gave her a soft grin. “Okay.”
She let a finger trail along his left cheek before she pulled away.
**
It was a formality, but Brendan got ten days in the brig for having refused a direct order from his CAG to take stims. And endangering another pilot's life, although Kat hadn't seemed to care: She visited him every day in his cell, playing cards with him. The Marines were sympathetic, letting Kara visit as much as she pleased, and even letting her bring in ambrosia.
The two of them sat with the cell bars between them, Kara pouring the two of them shots in between catching him up on all the ship's gossip. Before long, they were laughing so much, a Marine came to check on them, then had to wave off Kara's offer of a shot.
As the man left, Kara wasn't sure she was drunk enough for this, but what the hell:
“All right,” she resolved, feeling a bit too warm and a little too dizzy, but determined to say her piece. "There's this one other story I gotta tell you about, while I'm still drunk enough.” She couldn't believe she was doing this.
He nodded slowly, carefully.
“It's about this pilot I used to know once,” she continued, her heart thumping wildly as her finger tapped nervously on the ring on her thumb. “See, I was going to marry him one day ...”
Brendan raised his eyebrows, but he let her talk. And talk. Until he had reached his hands through the bars to hold hers in comfort.
She smiled and let him.
Author:
millariCharacters: Kara Thrace, Brendan "Hot Dog" Costanza, Lee Adama, Alex "Crashdown" Quartararo, Sharon "Boomer" Valerii, other minor mentions of Zak Adama, various pilots and CIC folks.
Pairing: Kara/Hot Dog
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Beta:
daybreak777 and troviaSpoilers: This is an AU, so there aren't real spoilers, but it takes place in the middle of S1 sometime after "You Can't Go Home Again" but before "Colonial Day".
Summary: “I know it's the end of the world, Costanza,” Starbuck bit out with sardonic amusement. “But
seriously? You need a date this bad?”
A/N: This story was written for
trovia.To Part 1
Post-flight check. He just had to get through post-flight check and he could sleep.
Brendan failed to stifle a yawn so large, he nearly dropped his clipboard.
“Crashing hard, sir?”
Jammer took Brendan's clipboard from him with a subdued grin and began examining his Viper against Brendan's checked-off list. Brendan was so tired at first that he was slow to react.
“Crashing hard?” he repeated the question back to Jammer, feeling befuddled.
Jammer flipped back his bangs with the butt of his right hand, the only part that wasn't covered with a tylium-soaked glove. “You just came off a triple, right?” he prompted.
Brendan stared at him, still not following, unable to stop himself from another yawn. In the silence, Jammer faltered, suddenly sheepish.
“Uh, sorry, sir,” he said hurriedly. “It's just that I saw you yawning and thought the stims might be wearing off and ...” He suddenly became extremely interested in the clipboard in his hands. “Anything to report with your bird here?”
Brendan finally got it. He'd been bantering with him and Brendan had just killed it dead without even noticing. The triple shift with no stims had made him about to fall over with exhaustion, and all his reflexes were shot. His body was vibrating with adrenaline that was no longer keeping him alert, just sleepy and jittery.
Just the thought of stims made him yawn again and he shook himself awake.
“Yeah, the seat. I could feel it moving around during maneuvers I think the bolt might be coming loose or something.” Just a few more minutes, he told his body. A few more minutes and you can sleep.
“Knowing these ancient things, I wouldn't be surprised if the bolt's rusting out,” Jammer agreed. “I'll have Seelix look at it. You were able to lock down the ejector, right?” He chuckled as Brendan yawned through an affirmative nod.
“Don't worry, sir. We can take over from here. Get some rack time.”
Brendan nodded gratefully, barely able to focus, Jammer's voice calling Seelix already a white noise in the back of his hearing. He'd made it through a triple shift without the stims. He could do this. He just had to make sure to behave the night before and get a lot of sleep, so he'd have reserves. He couldn't be dead on his feet like this, or people would notice.
He just had to be careful.
As he shuffled towards an exit hatch, he wondered if Kara would be free once he'd gotten some sleep. Maybe he could convince her to try another movie on the Chrion, this time maybe to actually watch the thing. He missed movies.
A whistling sound and then an explosive boom filled his ears.
“Frak!” a female voice echoed off the walls. Brendan's gaze snapped over to his Viper where Seelix was curled into herself against its hull, clearly still in the throes of ducking. Her face was deathly pale.
It took her several seconds to regain the power of speech.
“You dumb motherfrakker!” she shouted at him.
Brendan stared at her, slowed by his confused exhaustion. What had he done? But he had no time to figure it out, because then she was lunging at him, the orange jumpsuits running after to stop her. Tyrol reached her first and held her flailing figure as she tried to wrestle free.
Everywhere on the deck, people were staring. Brendan finally realized that many of them were staring straight up. He sleepily followed their gazes.
Stuck in the hangar's ceiling was Brendan's Viper seat, embedded there with a force that had only one explanation.
“Come on, Seelix,” Tyrol attempted to soothe her. “You don't want to do this. You want to end up in the brig? Let it go.”
“You idiot!” Seelix screamed at him, wrestling with Tyrol. “You didn't lock down your ejector! That's basic post-flight stuff!”
Shocked, Brendan stared at her, then squinted up through the floodlights at the chair again, then looked back down at her again.
“I locked down the lever,” he began, but doubt crept into his mind the moment he'd said it. He was so sleepy. How could he know for sure?
“That seat nearly took my head off! You didn't lock it down!” she insisted.
“ I … I … might have got distracted,” he stuttered an admission. “Maybe … maybe I remembered wrong. If I did, I'm sorry, Seelix. Really sorry.”
"Or maybe the lever's hashed," Tyrol intervened, keeping a hand on Seelix's shoulder."Point is, if it's broken, it's our job to fix it." He spun around to address the crowd of people still staring on. "So let's get back to work, people," he announced. "Show's over."
Brendan's apology seemed to have calmed her down a bit. She was at least not squirming in Tyrol's grasp anymore. He let her go and she pulled away from him with an angry flourish. But she stayed still.
“You're okay?” Tyrol questioned her. She waved him away with an aggressive hand gesture. “Whatever,” she muttered, and deliberately turned away from Brendan and went back to the Viper.
Brendan practically ran out of there. Find a rack now, his mind screamed.
He had to find a better way than this. He couldn't afford to have this happen again. Next time, he could end up as Raider meat.
No more triple shifts,, he told himself. Next time this comes up, you're bailing out, just like you told Kara you would. You're not flying another CAP like this. You've got someone to live for now.
**
He awoke ten hours later, sitting up in his rack, still half in his Viper uniform and bleary-eyed, to find Kara sitting on the bunk across from his, a bottle of ambrosia and two shot glasses in her hand. “So what's this I hear about the knuckledraggers calling you 'Hot Seat?'”
He swallowed hard. Had she connected the dots?
Judging from the way she slammed down two glasses of ambrosia on the table nearby, a buzzed grin plastered across her face as she poured them full of the green liquid, he guessed not. He took a shot down his throat in one swift gulp, grateful for the liquid courage.
“Are they really calling me that?” he groaned.
She snorted. “No, but they should.” She ruffled the top of his head in an affectionate gesture. “I could suggest it.”
He sat there shaking more cobwebs out. “Please don't do that, Kara,” he grimaced.
"Aw, cheer up, Hot Seat,” she chuckled. “It's only a matter of time before Kat does something stupid and reckless or Boomer manages to take more gouges out of the landing bay. They'll forget all about you.”
“I guess so.” He poured himself another shot and downed it. ''Hey, where is everybody?''
He looked around. Every single bunk in the pilots' quarters was empty.
"Oh, they're off celebrating Karma's thousandth landing. I heard you were asleep, so I thought I'd come wake you up so you don't miss out. You awake enough yet?”
He thought about his resolution on the hangar deck. “Uh, actually, I was wondering if we could talk about something.”
“Uh-oh,” she teased, having trouble modulating her volume. “No good conversation ever starts out with those words...”
“Well, it's just that ...” He poured himself another shot and drank it. “I was wondering how you'd feel about putting in for a double.”
It felt like her eyebrows raised a mile. “What?”
His tongue darted across his lips in a nervous gesture. “I mean, I was just thinking … We spend practically every night together already, right? Why not get some bigger quarters and share it? I know it'll take a while, but we could put in for it now and just keep going on the way we have been until a rack comes through.”
Her utter silence made him feel sheepish. Given her condition, maybe this wasn't the best time to but he'd been promising himself for days to go through with this and he was afraid if he didn't now, he'd chicken out entirely.
“See, I've been thinking a lot about this in the last couple of weeks,” he pushed on. “We could die any day out there, you know? I thought maybe I should figure out what I want in life and just go for it now, in case there isn't a later.” He forced himself to look her in the eyes. “And well, I want you.”
When he saw her head fall back and gaze up at the ceiling for several seconds, he knew he was in trouble. Her voice turned deathly quiet.
“I think we need to put the brakes on, Costanza.”
“What? Why?”
She squeezed her fists at her sides as if restraining herself from punching or throwing something. “Because we just do, all right? Look, it's like you said. We could die any time out there. There's no point in getting all ...”
She ran out of words, stuck.
“But I love you, Kara.” He paused, surprised at himself. “I wasn't expecting to, but I do.”
Was the look of utter shock overtaking her face a good thing or a bad thing? Brendan realized he had absolutely no idea. She stared for so long with her mouth shaped into a perfect circle that Brendan felt a hot prickly sensation climbing up his spine. But he'd known as soon as he'd said the words that they were true.
She closed her eyes. To Brendan, she seemed tired and sad. “You don't want to,” she declared.
“Want to what?” He felt his jaw clench.
“I only end up frakking people over,” she informed him with a grimace. “Trust me, you're better off not loving me, Brendan.”
He found himself flashing back to Crashdown's words: Starbuck likes things nice and easy.
“I think you're just scared,” he challenged.
“Scared?” she snorted, folding her arms across her chest. “Don't frakking flatter yourself.”
“Yeah, scared, Kara. People think I'm not all that bright, believe me I know that. But I can see how scared you are that I'll find out something personal, something real about you.
“You know, whatever. Just forget it,” he decided. She didn't have to be an ass about it.
He burst up and off his rack, eye to eye with her for a silent moment. The streak of obvious pain there surprised him, but he was too frustrated, too tired to know how to handle it.
This felt like the day he flunked out of flight school – just like taking a leap off a giant cliff and -
Falling flat on his face.
“I'll see you around, Kara,” he muttered and brushed roughly by her and then Racetrack, who was walking in through the hatch.
“What's your damage?” Racetrack exclaimed after him, but he didn't bother to turn around.
**
They stayed away from each other after that, by silent agreement. They went back to their own racks without discussion the first night, both supposing it was temporary, but then they never started talking again. To Kara's surprise, her cramped rack seemed cavernous without Brendan in it.
"Where's Hot Dog been?" Boomer asked her after she'd slept alone for two nights in a row. ''You guys aren't fighting, are you?''
"Fights are for relationships," she announced, rolling her eyes for emphasis. “We never had one.”
Boomer laughed at her outright. "Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me you and Hot Dog aren't in a relationship?"
Kara stiffened and for once, had no ready comeback.
**
Kara found she had become a spy these days – doing recon in the locker room to make sure she wouldn't run into him. Or keeping half an eye on him when they both had to be in the ready room, casting pathetic, furtive glances his way as he got out of his Viper next to hers on the hangar deck. He always looked the same – somewhere between blank focus and unaffected friendliness. She should have been glad to have it over so relatively cleanly, and yet, him acting like she hadn't even meant anything to him pissed her off more than anything.
Kara waited for him to make the first move, but he didn't. So she hadn't either. She tried to tell herself it was better that way, cleaner.
But it wasn't.
And if she wasn't careful, she might actually lose this frakking hand to Crashdown.
Unacceptable.
But she was getting more and more plastered as this game wore on. She now regretted having pounded down all those shots of ambrosia in a row at the beginning of the night. She'd been trying to get numb fast, a whole night ahead of her and nobody all that interesting to hang out with except maybe Lee, who was less fun to talk to these days since he'd found a call girl on the Prometheus to get starry-eyed about. She really didn't need to hear about how he thought he was falling in love with her.
“Hey, you in or out?” Boomer's voice pierced Kara's thoughts, and she realized that that everyone was waiting for her to put in.
“Don't rush me,” Kara bitched back. But she threw in an extra two cubits to raise the bet, just to show them all.
Why did Brendan have to go and ruin everything?
He had that same unreadable look on his face when he came strolling into the rec room with Kat, another person who was really good at pissing her off at the moment. The way the entire group went quiet for a few awkward seconds when they came in pissed her off too. Crashdown, the frakker, whose utter lack of subtlety was legendary, actually took a look at Kara to gauge her reaction, taking her so much by surprise, she wasn't able to cover over her anger.
“Hey Kat, hey Brendan.” Crashdown turned away from Kara to greet them with false ease. “You two wanna jump in?"
She caught a stricken look in Brendan's eyes before he managed to look away. Damnit, he had caught her checking.
This is ridiculous, her better self told her. You're acting like a teenager.
“Nah, we got better things to do than hang out with you children,” Kat bantered back at Crashdown's invitation, her mouth tightening meaningfully as her eyes grazed over Kara. She held onto the back of an empty chair and rocked it back and forth as she spoke, a repetitive, percussive sound that made Kara want to grab it away from her. And then throw it across the room.
“The knuckledraggers have figured out how to build a still,” Kat announced. “We're going where the real party is. I just came in here to collect a debt.” She held her hand out expectantly, and with a reluctant glance, Boomer picked through her stash and handed over five cigarettes to Kat.
She sniffed for effect at their long-necked, rapidly-depleting bottles of commercially-made ambrosia. “See ya around, losers.”
“Oh-ho!” exclaimed Crashdown, with to his credit, just the right amount of overdone shock and hurt to keep things light. “So you're dissing us?”
“Whatever,” Kat snickered and turned on her heel, pounding Brendan in a proprietary gesture on the shoulder blades. “Come on, Brendan,” she said crisply, then paused meaningfully. “Cally's waiting.” No one missed the implied sexual undertone.
The table gave a spontaneous, uncoordinated hoot, then seemed to remember Kara only as Kat and Brendan were exiting out the hatch. The rest of the card players fell into an uncomfortable silence. Kara merely scowled into her cards.
“Lee, are you in or what?” she snapped.
Lee recovered with as little subtlety as Crashdown had just shown earlier. “Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure.” His cubits made a discordant clanging sound in Kara's ears. When she looked up, she caught him staring at her over his cards.
He wasn't looking for her tells. Or at least not those kind.
**
"I hate this.”
Kara and Lee sat alone in the pilots' ready room. It was late, but she didn't want to go back to the racks. She knew Brendan and Kat would be there eventually, all excited and drunk from their adventures with the knuckledraggers.
"You hate what?" Lee finally responded, with just a slight slur to his words as he took another sip from the bottle they were sharing. It had been a few hours since the last card game, and Kara was grateful that they were both pretty toasted at this point.
"Look at me,” she made a sweeping, sloppy, drunken gesture with her hand. “I'm hiding from him.”
Lee yawned. "Oh, you mean Hot Dog? Well, you started it."
She punched his arm, completely ineffectually. "I did not!” she slurred. “Besides, you were the one all worried about us becoming serious! You should be glad we're not together anymore!”
"Sure, I guess." His eyes were half-closed as if he were somewhere between here and the land of Morpheus.
“Hey, I don't need crap from you too,” she complained.
“What are you talking about?”
“I'm talking about Boomer reading me the riot act when she found out. She thinks I broke Brendan's heart. And I swear, I'm getting ready to shoot Kat out of the sky myself."
Lee laughed at that. “You never told Brendan about Zak, did you?”
“Zak?” Her eyes popped open in surprise. “No. Why?”
“You should tell him, Kara,” he admonished. “He'd understand better where you're coming from.”
“What's Zak got to do with it?” she retorted. “This isn't about him.”
“Of course it is,” he replied. It was such a flat, matter-of-fact statement, she didn't even know how to respond.
“That engagment ring of Zak's around your thumb,” he continued, his voice thick with drink. “You've never taken it off."
Kara swallowed and admitted defeat. “So it's Zak's ring. So what?”
“Do you keep wearing that ring around your thumb to remember Zak, or to keep punishing yourself for his death?” he challenged.
She took another angry swig and forced the long gulp of burning liquid down her throat; it was so strong, tears formed at the back of her eyes.
“Frak you, Lee,” she bit out. “You know frak-all about it, all right?”
“Maybe. But I know you.”
The alcohol had made him braver and blunter. She huffed at him, but was at a loss for a real retort.
“He's a nice guy, Kara. Maybe you should give him a chance. A blind man could see how much he cares about you.”
Frak, no. There was no frakking way she was going to cry in front of Lee.
“Loving someone else doesn't mean you're betraying Zak, you know,” he said.
She grabbed the bottle again, drained the rest down.
“Let's not do this right now, okay?” she choked out, her eyes closed. She was kind of hoping to pass out about now.
“Sure, Kara,” he murmured. “Whatever you say.”
Damn. The hot, silent tears rolled down her face, and she thanked the gods he was as drunk as her. Maybe Lee wouldn't remember this tomorrow. Kara sure hoped she didn't.
Godsamnit. Why the frak was she missing him so much?
**
Just to rub salt in her wounds, fate put her and Brendan together in a CAP the very next day. Kara's temples still throbbed from her hangover.
“All right people,” Apollo's voice was remarkably clear over the comms. What what his secret hangover cure, she wondered?
“We're up to round eight with this broken bird.” Lee paused, making a mental count. “Fuzzy, Highball, Karma, go on home. The rest of you, I need you for one more shift.”
The groans of protest reverberated in Kara's headset.
“It's triples time, boys and girls,” Crashdown announced with ironic joviality. “Break out the toothpicks and put 'em under your eyelids.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Lee grumbled. “You're all stimulated, so you can quit your moaning. It's not like you're going to sleep any time soon. Might as well fight some Cylons.”
Once the complaints had ratcheted down, a hesitant voice came over the comms. “Uh, Apollo?”
“Yeah, Hot Dog?” Lee's voice showed obvious surprise.
“Is there any way I could sit this one out, Captain?”
There was a pointed pause. “Lieutenant,” he replied stiffly. Kara knew a bit of Lee's ego was at stake now that he'd dismissed their complaints. “I know you're still a bit new around here, but the way this works is I give an order and you follow it, got it?
Silence. Then, after a long moment, “Yes, sir.”
“Look,” Lee addressed all of them, “I know we're all burning behind the eyeballs, but we're just trying to get this toaster to come out and play for the Colonel. The sooner we get that done, the sooner we can go home, right?”
He took their silence for assent. “All right, Starbuck. You're first at bat. Everyone else, stick to formation until I call her out. And remember: don't get impatient or sloppy, just 'cause we've done this so many times. We don't want to threaten it into any desperation moves.”
“Roger that, Apollo,” Kara muttered, wishing she could massage the throbbing in her head. “I'm going in.”
She pondered the lone Cylon Raider, the lights of her Viper illuminating the damage on the ship's hull, and fired a couple of broad shots across the thing's bow, testing out its reactions. It had been getting harder and harder to get a rise out of the thing. So when the shots went over the Raider's bow, it jerked in reaction, flying in a flurry of constantly changing directions for a minute, but soon calmed down to a standstill float.
“We've been playing chicken with this thing for a day and a half now, Apollo,” she griped. “It's not buying it anymore.” The Raider sidled next to her Viper, out of direct range of her weapons. It was like it was taunting her.
“Aww, looks like you have another pet to take care of, Starbuck,” Beehive teased over the wireless as the Raider hovered uselessly in tandem with her ship, refusing to jump or send out any other signals they could collect. “I see you've trained it to heel.”
“Can you teach it to roll over and beg?” Crashdown joined in.
“As long as it doesn't bite,” Kara grunted back. She ducked her Viper down below the Raider's airspace and tried a hairbreadth's flyby in the hopes of rattling its cool.
“Frak,” she complained. “It won't jump. It won't react at all.”
“All right, let's just keep trying. We'll give someone else a crack at it,” Apollo broke in. “Fall back, Starbuck. You're on deck, Kat.”
Kat chuckled “Yeah, Starbuck, let the big kids play in the sandbox.”
“Frak you, Kat.” Kara retorted.
“You may want to, after you see how I send this bird running,” she bragged. “You heard the CAG; step aside.”
Kara fell back in annoyance, waiting for Kat to make her pass at the Raider.
"What the frak are you doing, Hot Dog?"
Kat's voice, suddenly high-pitched and harsh with surprise, rang in Kara's ears. Startled, she craned her neck to her three o'clock, where she knew Kat hovered near the Raider.
"Get the hell out of there so I can shoot the frakker!" Kat complained. "What the hell, Brendan?"
Kara saw now that Kat had barely managed to dodge Brendan's Viper as it drifted past her, moving implacably sideways, no thrusters firing.
Kara felt her unease growing into panic. “He's not answering,” she announced worriedly.
"I see that,” Lee responded. “Hot Dog," he called. "What's your status?"
Nothing.
"I repeat, what's your status?" Lee's voice sharpened into a restrained worry.
Kara could manage no such impulse control. "Brendan!" she shouted. "What the frak? Say something!"
She did a 180 as she tried to get a better look at what was going on. "He's not responding!” she blurted out. “Clearly, he's either lost comm or he's passed out."
"I can't see him from this distance," Kat reported. “I can't tell what's going on.”
"Frak." Lee had turned quiet, serious. "Either way, we have to assume that he can't hear us."
"We've got to blast that Raider out of the sky, Lee," Kara said. “Brendan's bearing down on it. It might shoot to kill.”
"Don't even frakking think about it, Apollo," Tigh's voice suddenly thundered in all their ears. "That sparrow's not taken a shot at us yet, and every time it tries to jump it gives us intel. Termination is your last resort, copy that Apollo?”
"Copy, Galactica," Lee confirmed.
If Brendan died out here, Kara thought, their last words to each other an argument …
She hissed with fear into her headset. “We've got to get that Raider away from him before it fires at him."
"I hear you, Starbuck," Apollo replied. "You got an idea?"
Kara thought a minute. "Kat," she ordered. "I'm going round. Get ready to push Brendan out of harm's way as soon as the toaster takes my bait."
"Roger that, Starbuck," Kat responded immediately.
"Kara! What are you going to do?" Lee interjected.
"I'm going to give it something shiny to play with.”
"Fine," he conceded. "Kat, pull back until Starbuck gets its full attention. We still don't know for sure its weapons aren't hot.”
“Roger that, Apollo.”
Kara was already across the black in a bright, blaze of spent tylium and worry, buzzing by the Raider's twelve o'clock.
Doubt nagged at her.
The toaster wasn't buying this shit ten minutes ago. Why do you think it's going to work now?
But really, what other idea did she have? She couldn't lose Brendan. Not like this.
She blew by the Raider again, right in its direct line of fire, just barely far enough to have a good enough chance to get away. It was like Pyramid, she thought. You had to get close enough to the defensive player so they'd freak out that you were about to take the ball away from them. That was when they got emotional. That was when they made mistakes.
But how to rattle a machine?
She made another pass by the Raider, dangerously close this time, a more inviting target than she'd ever allowed herself to be in this cat-and-mouse game they'd been playing for days.
“Kat!” she exclaimed. “It's turned its cannons on me! Get moving!”
“I see it,” Kat responded. “I'm getting him out now.”
“Starbuck,” Lee warned. “Keep moving.”
The Raider seemed to fix on her for a long moment. Kara watched its movements, staying close, but countermatching its moves as best she could to stay out of its crosshairs.
As if giving in to temptation, the Raider fired, but its ammunition came out only on its starboard side. The uneven attempt sent the Raider tottering off balance and into an unexpected tailspin.
Crashdown gave an appreciative whistle. “No wonder it never tried to fire before. Its gimbel must be frakked up.”
“Does it even have a gimbel?” Karma wondered.
“Stay focused, people,” Lee reminded them. “Kara, get out of there now!”
The Raider, as if desperate, began wildly firing off missiles, sending a hailstorm of deadly fire in the sqaudron's general vicinity.
“Frak me!” shouted Kat, who was caught in the fray of it. But she'd managed to get to Brendan, Kara saw.
“He's slumped over!” she reported. “I think he's had some kind of O2 malfunction in his suit!”
Kara's world narrowed down to nothing but the sight of Brendan's Viper and the spinning Raider. Oh gods, don't let him be dead, please. She found herself remembering that card game, when he'd grinned up at her, daring her to take his crazy bet. He'd never wanted anything from her but her happiness, she thought ruefully. He'd made her happy too, hadn't he? She was an idiot for never having told him that.
“Get Hot Dog back to Galactica!” Lee ordered Kat.
There was no sound in the dark of space, but Kara still heard the impact in Kat's Viper over the comm when Kat rammed gently into Brendan's Viper. Kat sped them out of there and without stopping, towards Galactica's landing bays, safely out of range.. Everyone else in the squadron spread and evaded the random shots. The Raider was still spinning uncontrollably.
“Galactica!” Lee shouted. “Permission to use lethal firepower! It's firing in all directions in an uncontrolled spin!”
“We see it on DRADIS, Apollo,” Tigh's voice crackled back. “Fire across its bow first, see if you can get it to jump one more time before you put it out of its misery.” There was a resigned pause. “Lethal firepower is authorized.”
Off in the distance, Kara could see Kat's and Brendan's Viper, joined together like two crustaceans in coitus, skittering towards the safety of Galactica. They all heard a male cough and sputter over the comm.
“Wha – What?” Brendan's voice sounded confused, dazed, a bit irritable. “What's going on?”
Kara said a quick, silent prayer of thanks to Artemis.
“What the frak are you doing, Kat?” Brendan asked, clearer now.
“What the frak were you doing?” Kat retorted, but her voice was breathy with suddenly-released tension. “You're almost made me the meat in a Raider-Viper sandwich.” She softened. “You okay?”
Now that she let them relax, Kara realized that all of her muscles had been taut with tension for several minutes, preparing themselves for the worst.
But he was alive. In fact, with every moment, Brendan's voice was growing in strength and clarity.
“Yeah, I'm okay,” he said, obviously surprised at the fuss being made over him.
Lee broke in. “Good to hear your voice, Hot Dog,” he said. “I don't know what the hell happened to you, but I'll be debriefing you in fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Get him home, Kat.”
“And I was looking forward to giving Starbuck some tactics lessons too,” Kat postured. “Sit tight, Hot Dog, and enjoy the ride.”
“Easiest flight of my life,” he deadpanned.
“Galactica, Apollo. The Raider's not jumping, and it's still firing like crazy,” Lee announced. “I'm taking it out now.”
“Roger that, Apollo,” Tigh said. “Fire at will.”
“All right, everyone,” Lee announced. “We are weapons-free.”
The black sky exploded into light as the Vipers quickly positioned themselves from all corners and opened fire on the Raider, sending debris spinning in all directions. Kara slammed hard on her guns, feeling a rush of pent-up anger. As she sent out a stream of firepower, she glanced over at Brendan and Kat making a combat landing in the bay.
She now understood why Brendan had lost communication. In fact, she was pretty sure he hadn't lost communication at all. And if she was right, she had to do something about it.
Right frakking now.
**
He was talking to Crashdown when Kara spotted him on the hangar deck, his helmet tucked under his arm. She strode up to him with restrained anger.
“Brendan, we need to ...”
“Kara?” he said, his voice hitching with surprise. They hadn't spoken in weeks now.
She grabbed him by the arm, got in his face. “We talked about this,” she said with a harsh whisper so the others wouldn't hear. “You said you'd be careful.”
His mouth fell open a moment, then closed again.
“Meet me in the ready room as soon as you get debriefed,” she spat in an undertone. “Or I'll go straight to Lee.”
Brendan went pale. “Okay,” he murmured.
As she left, she threw down her helmet in a pique and didn't look back, trying not to think about the longing she'd just seen all over his face.
**
Kara heard the hatch door to the ready room open, but she kept her back to the entrance. She could hear Brendan lingering at the threshold.
“You were asleep,” she broke the silence. It wasn't a question. It wasn't even seeking confirmation.
“I didn't want this to be the way we talked again,” he finally said, and her anger whiplashed with her as she whirled around.
“Well then maybe you shouldn't have done a triple half asleep!”
“It was supposed to be a double!” he shouted back. “You heard what happened!”
His vehemence surprised her. She went silent, eventually nodded. “What did you tell Lee?”
He shifted from one foot to another. “I told him I passed out,” he replied. “I told him I thought it was exhaustion.”
“He didn't ask if you'd taken your stims?”
Brendan exhaled. “No. And I didn't offer.”
She made a snorting sound. “Frakking Lee. You know I have to tell him.”
He went pale. “Please... Kara...” He pushed his way into the room, halving the distance between them in a panicked few steps. “He'll ground me. Probably forever.”
Her face screwed up in disbelief. “Brendan, I covered for you and look what happened! You told me you wouldn't ever do this!”
“I didn't mean to!” he exclaimed. “But I would have had to make a big scene over the comms to get out of the shift, and then everybody would have known ...”
“That's not a reason!” she exclaimed. “You could have gotten Kat killed!” Her fists pounded at his chest in frustration, her voice thick with emotion. “You could have been killed!”
He stood there in shock, absorbing her choked-off emotion. “You're right,“ he admitted, chastened. “You're right.”
“I should have never covered for you,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “Am I that much of a frakking idiot? How did I not learn this lesson last time?”
“The last time?” he asked, confused.
Pupils dilating to tiny black spots, she seemed to have forgotten that he was listening to her. She shook her head and turned away suddenly. “Nothing,” she said quickly, twisting the ring on her thumb. “Nothing.”
“Oh, come on!” he snapped. “You're doing it again!”
“I'm not doing anything!” she snarled, but her eyes clouded over.
“Yes you are!” he retorted. “You shut me out whenever we get to anything really personal.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Don't change the subject! This isn't about me, this is about you getting yourself killed and maybe others because you won't be honest with your CAG or with me.”
He looked up at the ceiling in frustration. “You're not honest with me.”
“That's not true.”
“Yes, yes it is true.” His voice went quiet. “You've never really let me get to know you, Kara.”
She stopped short, her expression softening with surprise. “Brendan...”
“I want to know the whole you,” he insisted. “Not just Starbuck.”
“Brendan, that's not fair...”
He met her gaze. “I miss you,” he cut her off.
All the old feelings she'd been repressing for the last couple of weeks clutched at her.
“I don't want us to be broken up, Kara.”
“I didn't break us up, you did,” she blurted out.
His eyes narrowed. “What? I thought … You said you wanted to put the brakes on.”
Her lips pursed into a straight line. “I just said I wanted to slow things down, not break up,” she corrected. “You're the one who left the room and said 'see you later.'”
He shook his head and stared at her in silence. “Are you saying we could get back together?” he asked. “You'd want to?”
This was her chance to get out of this cleanly. She could break up with him right here and now and be done with all this uncertainty. Be alone and safe.
She bit her lip. “Dunno.”
He squinted at her in disbelief. “Kara Thrace, you don't make one bit of sense at all sometimes.”
She blinked at him. “I missed you too, flyboy.”
“I want to be with you,” he said, like it was a warning. “I love you.”
She kicked at the base of one of the pilots' chairs with a boot-heeled toe and shrugged. “You said that already.”
“You think you can deal with that?”
She looked away. “Sure, whatever. I don't think I know what love is anyway, Brendan.”
He snorted, as if he found her quite ridiculous.
“Then let's put it this way,” he tried. “Can you tell me for sure that you don't love me?”
It got her to look back up at him. “That's a weird question.”
He shrugged, but said nothing, waiting expectantly, until she had to answer.
“Uh, no. I guess not,” she finally replied awkwardly. “I guess I can't?” she tried.
“Okay, then,” he said, a quiet triumph in his voice she didn't really understand, but he was smiling, and she felt a smile cross her face as well. “Good enough,” he said. “For now anyway.”
He moved in to kiss her. It was slow and full of the tenderness and hot sparks Kara had been missing terribly. When they broke apart, they stayed in each other's space, Kara breathing hard.
“You still have to come clean to Lee,” she told him.
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed. “I'm never going to fly again, am I?”
Her arms moved atop his shoulders in a determined gesture, and she summoned up all the bravado she could muster right now.
“Listen,” she said, “You, me, and Lee are going to work this out together, all right? He's kind of a stick-in-the-mud, but he's fair. I'm sure there's gotta be a way to make this work out.”
Brendan paused, inspecting her for a moment. He gave her a soft grin. “Okay.”
She let a finger trail along his left cheek before she pulled away.
**
It was a formality, but Brendan got ten days in the brig for having refused a direct order from his CAG to take stims. And endangering another pilot's life, although Kat hadn't seemed to care: She visited him every day in his cell, playing cards with him. The Marines were sympathetic, letting Kara visit as much as she pleased, and even letting her bring in ambrosia.
The two of them sat with the cell bars between them, Kara pouring the two of them shots in between catching him up on all the ship's gossip. Before long, they were laughing so much, a Marine came to check on them, then had to wave off Kara's offer of a shot.
As the man left, Kara wasn't sure she was drunk enough for this, but what the hell:
“All right,” she resolved, feeling a bit too warm and a little too dizzy, but determined to say her piece. "There's this one other story I gotta tell you about, while I'm still drunk enough.” She couldn't believe she was doing this.
He nodded slowly, carefully.
“It's about this pilot I used to know once,” she continued, her heart thumping wildly as her finger tapped nervously on the ring on her thumb. “See, I was going to marry him one day ...”
Brendan raised his eyebrows, but he let her talk. And talk. Until he had reached his hands through the bars to hold hers in comfort.
She smiled and let him.
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-06 03:50 pm (UTC)The tension during the Raider confrontation was really tight and well done. I also liked the trash talking between the pilots that went on before things got serious. And if I hadn’t wanted to smack Brendan before I really wanted too after that. There was a moment where I was worried someone would actually not make it back to Galactica. Like I said, that was a really well written scene.
And I thought Kara’s reaction to Brendan’s confession was exactly like her. That was one of those scenes where even though you know it’s going to go downhill, you’re still hoping for another outcome. At least, that’s how I felt while reading it.
I think my favorite scene in this part was the one between Lee and Kara though. I thought the fact that it took some alcohol for Lee to really come out and say what Kara needed to hear was interesting. And I also really felt for Kara there. You can tell she’s dealing with things the only way she knows how, no matter if she breaks her own heart in the process.
I was so glad they got back together! I really enjoyed this story, you did a wonderful job with a pairing I’d never considered outside the realm of smut fic.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-10 09:50 pm (UTC)I was thrilled to see you as a reader staying with the stims issue, recognizing it as a plot point and anticipating its outcome in the second part. It was a glimpse into how the writing worked for you as story, and it was so cool to see your thought process about it.
The tension during the Raider confrontation was really tight and well done ... There was a moment where I was worried someone would actually not make it back to Galactica.
One of the best compliments a writer can get. Thank you! I'm not someone who writes action scenes all that much, so it was gratifying to know I kept your attention.
I think my favorite scene in this part was the one between Lee and Kara though.
I would never consider myself a Kara/Lee. The thought of writing them as a couple totally intimidates me, actually. But actually writing them in a platonic friendship was one of the easiest scenes in this fic to write, to my surprise.
I was so glad they got back together! I really enjoyed this story, you did a wonderful job with a pairing I’d never considered outside the realm of smut fic.
Again, one of the best compliments a writer can get! Thanks so much, and I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. I didn't get many comments on this story, so yours really made up for that in a big way. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-09 12:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-10 10:00 pm (UTC)I am totally intimidated by writing Kara/Lee, but it was surprisingly easy to write him as a supportive friend. It was one of my favorites parts of writing this.
Really, Zak was the key to me making this pairing work for me. It wasn't until I thought of him and the basic parallels to Kara's situation with Zak that the fic took off for me.
I'm so pleased you liked this.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-10 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 09:10 am (UTC)I appreciate you taking the time to comment on this.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-14 05:29 pm (UTC)All the minor characters in this were spot-on, too. Crashdown, Seelix, Chief, Kat... totally in character. I really liked the interaction with Gaeta in the beginning, too. And the mention of Cally :p
Lee, who was less fun to talk to these days since he'd found a call girl on the Prometheus to get starry-eyed about
Hee! Poor deluded Lee :p Made me lol.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-15 08:11 am (UTC)I'm so pleased that you mentioned all the minor characters. They were fun to write. :) And I was evilly gleeful when I thought of an explanation for how Cally and Hot Dog might have first become aware of each other romantically, thanks to Kat's matchmaking. :P
Thanks for commenting!
no subject
Date: 2014-03-27 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-28 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-10 05:18 pm (UTC)I admit I never really considered the possibility of Kara/Hot Dog (or, you know, only in a 'Hot Dog wishes it had gone somewhere' way) but you made it work and you made it work well, so that was a really agreeable read :)
no subject
Date: 2016-05-11 11:31 pm (UTC)Thank you for this lovely comment that took me by surprise. I'm glad that you felt this romance worked well and that you had a good time reading this. It was such a great surprise to get this comment. :)
no subject
Date: 2016-05-12 08:31 am (UTC)